Bobby's Photo Blog
My Photographic Blog

Widower’s Thoughts…..

Lissa has been in the spirit world for four months now. I am learning to accept the fact that she will not walk through the door, call home or surprise me at work. It has been a hard road, emotionally speaking, this learning to move on. The nightmares are subsiding, finally.

I guess in some aspects I am doing better than some who have traveled this road before me. I didn’t do anything harmful to myself or others. I didn’t seek her tormentors, her separated Husband Chris Kennedy or her hateful Ex Larry. In that aspect I have kept my solemn promise to Lissa. They are still walking among us and not six feet down where deep inside me I want to put them.

I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol to drown the pain and go ‘numb’ like the stories I have heard. While she was here I like to believe I was the reason she didn’t drink much. We believed there are no answers in the bottom of a bottle and no relief in a syringe.

I do, however, have some troubling thought concerning the religious aspects involved in the grieving process. I have a hard time wrapping myself around the ‘She is in a better place’ theory. Really? You know this how? Have you been there or have you talked to someone who has? Of course she is no longer in physical pain, she is gone from this world and her physical body. Is she in a better place – I guess I will find that out when I get there. If there is a there.

I deal with a list of physical disabilities that seem more prominent now than before. I tend to wonder is this because of an introduction, if you will, to my mortality? Why is it we go through life, or In my case at least, dealing with all the little things as if it were no big deal but now they take center stage? I think they take center stage now because of our being so tied together and she is gone from this place. I think it’s because for a time we mark time, review our mortality and assess with deeper scrutiny all the little things that make up the whole. I believe part of that is the mending of a broken heart.

But anyway, life goes on. It surprises me how quickly, but it goes on. Bills need to be paid.


2 Responses to “Widower’s Thoughts…..”

  1. Thanks for sharing.

  2. May you find the answers you are seeking, peace be with you. You are in our thoughts too

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